Monday 30 June 2014

Like a girl? Like a boss.

The last time I gave any great thought to a maxi pad commercial was when I wondered who the hell they thought they were fooling with that blue liquid shit. Let’s be honest ladies: Nothing. Like. That. Then today all over my Facebook news feed (which is where I get all my news in Sri Lanka) my friends were posting this advert from Always. It features some young women and a boy at a casting call where the director instructs them all to do things ‘like a girl’. Fight like a girl, run like a girl, throw like a girl…you get it. Anyway, many people thought that this advert was really poignant and I suppose it is, but mostly it's just more bad news for women.

These young women in the commercial who when asked to do things 'like a girl' threw pathetically and ran ungracefully whilst fixing their hair are old enough to know better. The little boy is not, so I’ll cut him some slack. Years from now his parents will play that commercial at his wedding and he will be doubly mortified that he a) was in a commercial for maxi pads and b) that he was a sexist prick. 

I digress…these young women in their 20’s and 30’s, when asked to throw ‘like a girl’ threw nothing like they would throw. They threw the way someone in a full body cast would throw. When the director explained to these women that they were doing themselves a disservice and asked them if they’d like to try again; they all jumped at the opportunity and even went on to make bold statements like ‘why can’t running like a girl win the race?’ Well, it can. Why do we as women need someone's permission to be strong? To be sexy? To be who we really are? 

The whole point of this campaign is to empower young women to keep throwing and fighting and running like girls. The commercial states that between the ages of 10 and 12 most girls lose their confidence and are already feeling undervalued in their tiny social realms as well as in the bigger world. So why then do we continue to lose confidence even when we’re old enough to know better?


In this commercial, when the director later asked a group of 7-10 year olds to do the same actions ‘like a girl’ they all kicked major ass. They all fought strong, ran fast and threw straight. Being a girl is not a handicap and at 10 years old we know that, but at 25 we have no clue. Did we forget? Or are we just conditioned to become caricatures of ourselves? I have a vagina and I am a perfectly capable human being. I can do anything you can do and I do it ‘like a person’.

So who is this advert targeting? It’s targeting women. Those 10-year-olds aren't buying maxi pads. It’s targeting us women who have no idea that running like a girl is just regular fucking running. The same women that believe their vaginas spout blue liquid once a month. We need to recognize that this is a problem. We are selling ourselves short every day. We can physically and mentally do everything anyone else can do, but if we don’t believe this ourselves how the hell are we going to fight for the big stuff like equal pay and better benefits? Do we think we don’t deserve these things? My genitalia is not a determining factor as to whether or not I'm good at anything. Except maybe having a penis. My vagina means I'm really bad at that.


The reality that some women still see themselves as less than just because of their gender is so sad. And that fact is put under the spotlight in this advert. All these fabulous little girls reminding us of who we once were are great, but the tragedy is that many of us have become these young women who have no idea who we are.  A maxi pad commercial is not inspirational. You are. Now go fight this busted-ass system like a girl. 

Thursday 12 June 2014

Stop with all the raping

Another woman is found hanged in India. The third in two weeks and all three are suspected gang rape victims. We all remember the unbearably tragic incident where a young medical student was gang raped by a group of men on the back of a public bus and then thrown from the moving vehicle in 2012. That story cut something inside of me and inside the rest of the world deeply, but despite our global condemnation and revulsion at such a crime, these incidents continue to happen and actually appear to be on the rise.

According to the National Crime Records Bureau rape incidents have increased in India by ten times since 1971. In 41 years the country has gone from 2,487 incidents of rape to 24,923 in 2012 (NCRB). Of course, as we all know, these are only the incidents that have been reported and in countries where women are marginalized or seen as unequal to men it is less likely that women will report an incident of sexual assault.

So why is this happening? I've heard so many excuses batted around that it’s hard to know where to start. Some blame Bollywood culture for propagating the image that a woman is just a possession to be obtained and though at first she may protest, she can always be won over. Most disturbingly I've read the argument that ‘boys will be boys’. What the fuck does this mean exactly? In an article posted on TIME.com under the heading ‘Opinion Feminist’ Mallika Dutt very rightly observes ‘Let’s stop saying that half the human race is inherently aggressive, predatory and incapable of transformation’ Yes. Let’s. In Uttar Pradesh, an incredibly densely populated area with highest amount of HIV infected individuals in the world ‘three to five rapes of women and girls, mostly Dalit occur daily in Uttar Pradesh alone.’(NCRB) This has to stop.

I work in Sri Lanka 6 months of the year and it’s here too. Every time I come back it’s here a little more. Lurking and threatening just beyond the periphery. The reluctance of Indian authorities to impose stronger punishments for rapists is sending a dangerous message to India and the rest of Asia. ‘Boys will be boys. They make mistakes’. These are the words of Mulayam Singh, the head of Uttar Pradesh’s governing party. Mistakes? A mistake is pulling a girl’s ponytail or pushing her in the sandbox, not forcefully penetrating her and then hangining her or throwing her from a speeding bus. These are not ‘mistakes’ these are acts of unspeakable violence and we as women are systematically being asked to shut the fuck up about it and accept that it may happen to us. It may happen and no one will give a fuck if it does.

We teach the girls who volunteer with us to make a scene: to shout and to push and to never accept someone else’s hands on your body. Are we setting these poor girls up for failure? What India’s government is saying is that if she makes a fuss you silence her. You kill her and you’ll get away with it. This is terrifying. As a woman and as a woman living in Asia this is terrifying.  We need to do more. Arming women with knowledge and weapons will never be enough if men are not equally armed with knowledge and they can use their body as a weapon.


Don’t rape. It’s simple really. Why do we not teach our boys not to rape? I refuse to believe that every man has it in them to commit this crime, but we should be talking about it just in case. ‘Boys will be boys’ is bullshit. This dangerous ignorance is costing freedom, security and lives. No one deserves to be raped and no rapist deserves to be free. We need to do something about this. This isn't a foreign problem. It’s a human problem. 

Friday 6 June 2014

Are we there yet?

It's Saturday morning and I'm supposed to be asleep. I've been surviving on about 4-5 hours a night and packets of Hawaiian biscuits for sustenance. I'm supposed to be asleep, but this beautiful, sunshiney Sri Lankan morning has pulled back my blankets and coaxed me awake with its smells and sounds.

I'm nearly at the two week mark of my time in Sri Lanka and it feels like I've been here for months. The weather is cooler, the storms more intense and the obstacles feel at times like stairs too steep and dangerous to attempt, but they have been attempted and for the most part I have stood at the top and wondered how the fuck I made it up. I made it with the help of the incredible people I work with and with the help of being too stupid not to try.

Putting people on planes and keeping people from getting on planes has been the sum of recent events. Every day I feel a little helpless, a little important and a little sad that on that day I couldn't do more. But I also feel a little proud that shit got done. No matter how small it seems, shit gets done. My heart is engorged by working with the best team with the best intentions. My heart is broken for sometimes falling short and for having to make decisions that no one wants to have to make. I'm constipated both emotionally and physically and have reached all new levels of intimacy with my room mate due to the walls of the toilet not reaching the ceiling.

However, despite the cozy conditions we are living in luxury and there are no complaints from either of us. As seems to be that pattern with me and moving in Sri Lanka, the house that was chosen as our residence never actually prepared for our arrival, despite the month's notice and we were met with plywood and dirt where there was supposed to be beds and cupboards. As a solution we have been moved into a hostel with air conditioning and wifi. We have a kettle and according to the gossip, we're married. We will leave this beautiful oasis tomorrow and move back in with our previous family.

These past few weeks have been filled with dirty-ass butt pants, wanting two things and Big Mackrels, and they have been great. I'm both terrified and excited for the rest of the summer and looking forward to meeting the rest of the inspired and inspirational people who will come here and make this place theirs. It is all very much the same but different. And that's just what I wanted.