A Haiku about what I'm doing and why.
This girl likes to shop
but only shopping online
yields surprise presents
Sunday 26 January 2014
Talking is so 1999
I can't believe it's Sunday already. I've nearly broken my promise by not writing anything all week, save for comments on Facebook, which hardly counts. Does it?
I'm falling into the trap of believing that the conversations and dialogues we have on Facebook and Twitter are just as valuable as real human interactions and maybe they are. I can't even tell anymore and that's unnerving.
I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in awhile recently and she surprised me telling me that it looked like I'd 'had a nice Christmas'. How did she know that? Did I run into her while I was in the USA? Now, someone who has had as many cocktails and taken as many chemical stimulants as I have in my life automatically assumes I've had a massive blackout. The Jew in me thinks I have a brain tumor. It always takes me a second to register that I'm constantly putting my life on Facebook. It's there for people to judge, get involved in, comment on and 'like'. The conversations I have with people on Facebook somehow mean that when I see them in public, we're good. They're all caught up. Well why the hell are we meeting up anymore at all?
I wondered this yesterday as I sat in the pub amongst some of my closest friends looking at the sheer amount of people around us on their phones. Obstructing their lovely faces and covering the pretty mouths that should be talking to one another. Were they Tweeting their innermost thoughts so that they could each read them on each others feeds and then discuss them? Do we feel safer saying things on social media? Is Facebook making us boring dinner companions? I fear it does and I'm guilty of it myself.
I come home from my day at work and Steve already knows what I've been up to. I've plastered it all over my feed. I've probably photographed it, and by the time I get home I'm so bored of it I can't even be bothered to talk about it with my husband. Right now as I'm typing this he has no idea these thoughts are in my head. 'He'll read my blog' I think to myself and continue tap tapping away. Is this normal? And if it is are we happy about it?
I had an ancient Nokia until two years ago, so I had no internet on my phone, no other capabilities besides talking and texting and I got along just fine. However, now that thought frightens me. It scares me. I was thinking about doing a blog about not using my phone for 10 days and the thought freaked me out so badly I talked myself out of it. Who the hell am I?
I am a mere collection of statuses, a anthology of emoticons and a whole lot of words I will never speak. I long to have these kinds of conversations with actual people and not just a profile picture, but we're all so damn busy that it's impossible. I say screw that. Let's make time for each other. That shit's important. If I talk about some stuff on your page that is interesting let's meet up and have a conversation about it. Let's exchange ideas and change the world and shit. I think that so many people have resorted to plastering inspirational life quotes on their Facebook as a substitute for living. Or at least living the way that we used to. Let's get all retro on this piece and have lunch.
I'm falling into the trap of believing that the conversations and dialogues we have on Facebook and Twitter are just as valuable as real human interactions and maybe they are. I can't even tell anymore and that's unnerving.
I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in awhile recently and she surprised me telling me that it looked like I'd 'had a nice Christmas'. How did she know that? Did I run into her while I was in the USA? Now, someone who has had as many cocktails and taken as many chemical stimulants as I have in my life automatically assumes I've had a massive blackout. The Jew in me thinks I have a brain tumor. It always takes me a second to register that I'm constantly putting my life on Facebook. It's there for people to judge, get involved in, comment on and 'like'. The conversations I have with people on Facebook somehow mean that when I see them in public, we're good. They're all caught up. Well why the hell are we meeting up anymore at all?
I wondered this yesterday as I sat in the pub amongst some of my closest friends looking at the sheer amount of people around us on their phones. Obstructing their lovely faces and covering the pretty mouths that should be talking to one another. Were they Tweeting their innermost thoughts so that they could each read them on each others feeds and then discuss them? Do we feel safer saying things on social media? Is Facebook making us boring dinner companions? I fear it does and I'm guilty of it myself.
I come home from my day at work and Steve already knows what I've been up to. I've plastered it all over my feed. I've probably photographed it, and by the time I get home I'm so bored of it I can't even be bothered to talk about it with my husband. Right now as I'm typing this he has no idea these thoughts are in my head. 'He'll read my blog' I think to myself and continue tap tapping away. Is this normal? And if it is are we happy about it?
I had an ancient Nokia until two years ago, so I had no internet on my phone, no other capabilities besides talking and texting and I got along just fine. However, now that thought frightens me. It scares me. I was thinking about doing a blog about not using my phone for 10 days and the thought freaked me out so badly I talked myself out of it. Who the hell am I?
I am a mere collection of statuses, a anthology of emoticons and a whole lot of words I will never speak. I long to have these kinds of conversations with actual people and not just a profile picture, but we're all so damn busy that it's impossible. I say screw that. Let's make time for each other. That shit's important. If I talk about some stuff on your page that is interesting let's meet up and have a conversation about it. Let's exchange ideas and change the world and shit. I think that so many people have resorted to plastering inspirational life quotes on their Facebook as a substitute for living. Or at least living the way that we used to. Let's get all retro on this piece and have lunch.
Sunday 19 January 2014
Adore yourself
Whilst I was away in the land of doughnuts and processed cheese-like foods I was alerted to the fact that Miley Cyrus had put out another questionable video. This video was likened to a sex tape and I was informed there was nipple. I vowed to not watch until I returned home for fear it may upset the rest of my night which was forecast to include karaoke, shots and my best friend, but alas; I am only flesh and blood so I gave in and watched.
Indeed Ms. Cyrus' nipples are on show, but hey, we've all got them and if they belong to you I believe you can do with them what you wish: get em out, cover them with chocolate, or electrical tap, pierce them, pastie them...you get the idea. I'm open minded. Aside from the nipple exposure there is an awful lot of lip flapping and writhing around on a bed under a sheet. Nothing shocking here. I think what makes people uncomfortable is the idea that Miley is masturbating. That she's under those sheets with her camcorder, showing her vagina to the lens and actually enjoying it.
Masturbation is a funny thing. We all do it, and if I'm wrong about that, then we all should. When talking about male masturbation most people appear feel comfortable, even jovial. We use insults like 'jerk off' and 'wanker' that we bat around all the time and no one cringes. We laugh. Shows like The Inbetweeners and The Big Bang Theory use male masturbation as a punchline for many a joke. However, I'm yet to see an episode where Penny and Bernadette joke about flicking the bean. When you start to talk about female masturbation; noses wrinkle and the heavy protestations begin. According to society: male masturbation is funny and natural and female masturbation is gross and shameful.
I'm quite open about my solo activities and I have to admit, it makes me very sad to see the people I love and hold dearest disgusted byt the mere thought of touching themselves. Within my group of friends I'm trying to single handedly (ha!) normalize an activity that for many of them is foreign and not to be considered. 'But I have a boyfriend' is the most common rebuttal for my probing questions about probing one's one genitalia. My response is always the same: 'Aaaaaaaand'? Masturbation should not be something you resort to as a last option, it should be something you enjoy as another option. I also have a husband and that sure doesn't stop me. Why should it? Not only lonely women masturbate.
Now I'm not all about standing over a mirror and getting out the speculum. I don't feel that as a woman you have to dissect your vagina to understand it or to enjoy it. However, I think you need to know it. The orgasms you have with a partner are so incredibly different to the ones you have solo. The orgasms you have using a vibrator are different from the ones you have using your hand or the faucet (the best one). So don't you owe it to yourself to try out and experience as any different kinds of orgasms as possible? I say you do. According to me: denying yourself pleasure that hurts no one is one of the greatest tragedies of life. And this is one of those times when I happen to be right.
As well as getting your hands dirty yourself, let's also stop being nasty to those who are happy to talk about masturbation and to do it. The reason I am a Miley fan is I truly believe she is a feminist. She is putting her body out there every day to be ridiculed, to be judged and no matter how many people 'slut shame' her she continues to do it irrespective of who feels uncomfortable about it, because she doesn't. She owns her body, so she can do with it what she pleases and I think that's a beautiful thing. If her video encourages more young women to masturbate then I fully support her as should all of us.
The reason I believe so many women have an issue with this particular video is because they don't like to be confronted by a woman taking control of her own sexuality. Taking control of it so much she (gasp) doesn't even need someone else to validate the idea that she is a beautiful, sexual being and the reality is that none of us need that. We just think we do and maybe it's going to be the girls of Miley's generation who break the cycle of disgust and shame. I certainly hope so.
Indeed Ms. Cyrus' nipples are on show, but hey, we've all got them and if they belong to you I believe you can do with them what you wish: get em out, cover them with chocolate, or electrical tap, pierce them, pastie them...you get the idea. I'm open minded. Aside from the nipple exposure there is an awful lot of lip flapping and writhing around on a bed under a sheet. Nothing shocking here. I think what makes people uncomfortable is the idea that Miley is masturbating. That she's under those sheets with her camcorder, showing her vagina to the lens and actually enjoying it.
Masturbation is a funny thing. We all do it, and if I'm wrong about that, then we all should. When talking about male masturbation most people appear feel comfortable, even jovial. We use insults like 'jerk off' and 'wanker' that we bat around all the time and no one cringes. We laugh. Shows like The Inbetweeners and The Big Bang Theory use male masturbation as a punchline for many a joke. However, I'm yet to see an episode where Penny and Bernadette joke about flicking the bean. When you start to talk about female masturbation; noses wrinkle and the heavy protestations begin. According to society: male masturbation is funny and natural and female masturbation is gross and shameful.
I'm quite open about my solo activities and I have to admit, it makes me very sad to see the people I love and hold dearest disgusted byt the mere thought of touching themselves. Within my group of friends I'm trying to single handedly (ha!) normalize an activity that for many of them is foreign and not to be considered. 'But I have a boyfriend' is the most common rebuttal for my probing questions about probing one's one genitalia. My response is always the same: 'Aaaaaaaand'? Masturbation should not be something you resort to as a last option, it should be something you enjoy as another option. I also have a husband and that sure doesn't stop me. Why should it? Not only lonely women masturbate.
Now I'm not all about standing over a mirror and getting out the speculum. I don't feel that as a woman you have to dissect your vagina to understand it or to enjoy it. However, I think you need to know it. The orgasms you have with a partner are so incredibly different to the ones you have solo. The orgasms you have using a vibrator are different from the ones you have using your hand or the faucet (the best one). So don't you owe it to yourself to try out and experience as any different kinds of orgasms as possible? I say you do. According to me: denying yourself pleasure that hurts no one is one of the greatest tragedies of life. And this is one of those times when I happen to be right.
As well as getting your hands dirty yourself, let's also stop being nasty to those who are happy to talk about masturbation and to do it. The reason I am a Miley fan is I truly believe she is a feminist. She is putting her body out there every day to be ridiculed, to be judged and no matter how many people 'slut shame' her she continues to do it irrespective of who feels uncomfortable about it, because she doesn't. She owns her body, so she can do with it what she pleases and I think that's a beautiful thing. If her video encourages more young women to masturbate then I fully support her as should all of us.
The reason I believe so many women have an issue with this particular video is because they don't like to be confronted by a woman taking control of her own sexuality. Taking control of it so much she (gasp) doesn't even need someone else to validate the idea that she is a beautiful, sexual being and the reality is that none of us need that. We just think we do and maybe it's going to be the girls of Miley's generation who break the cycle of disgust and shame. I certainly hope so.
Hello again!
I haven't written anything for over 2 months. That's like a quarter of the gestation period of a human child. I have been slacking and that's shit because so often I am lying in bed thinking of the most incredible things to write about. But then I reach for my phone, launch Candy Crush and my brain turns to the consistency of Dickensian gruel. 'Please sir, can I have some more?' Not now, I'm on level 69!
Since last I blogged I've come back from the Maldives. been reintroduced to London life, started a new job, gone to Paris and had the shits, gone to America and had the shits and come back again to celebrate new year on the sofa with my beloved and I've told none of you about any of that! Unless you follow my every move on Facebook and if you do, thank you very much.
For my laziness; I can only apologize and promise to do better. I vow to write at least two blogs a week from here on out. I have to remind myself that blogs don't have to be pages long. They can be a paragraph or a sweet little haiku if I so desire. The thing that blows me away is that over 1300 people have had a look at this thing. And of those 1300 people maybe someone's read a bit or laughed a bit or decided to unfriend me on Facebook...whatever, but it caused them to have some kind of reaction, which is astonishing to me and it makes me feel proud and happy like when my Mom hung my childhood creations on the fridge. Just like that. So thank you to all who have read so far and contributed to my joy.
Since last I blogged I've come back from the Maldives. been reintroduced to London life, started a new job, gone to Paris and had the shits, gone to America and had the shits and come back again to celebrate new year on the sofa with my beloved and I've told none of you about any of that! Unless you follow my every move on Facebook and if you do, thank you very much.
For my laziness; I can only apologize and promise to do better. I vow to write at least two blogs a week from here on out. I have to remind myself that blogs don't have to be pages long. They can be a paragraph or a sweet little haiku if I so desire. The thing that blows me away is that over 1300 people have had a look at this thing. And of those 1300 people maybe someone's read a bit or laughed a bit or decided to unfriend me on Facebook...whatever, but it caused them to have some kind of reaction, which is astonishing to me and it makes me feel proud and happy like when my Mom hung my childhood creations on the fridge. Just like that. So thank you to all who have read so far and contributed to my joy.
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